Transmuting Fear into Love: Getting a Handle on Shyness
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Transmuting Fear into Love: Getting a Handle on Shyness

Shyness is a learned behavior driven by fear. Getting a handle on shyness is a process of transmuting fear into love.

Getting a handle on shyness is a process of transmuting fear into love. Shy people are fearful people. Often, shyness is a conditioned behavior. Children of abusive parents tend to be introverted. When children are consistently chastised that their ideas don't amount to anything, as adults, they believe they are worthless people.

In essence, shy people perceive they have nothing of value to contribute to relationships, conversations or in the workplace.

Is shyness sabotaging your social life and career advancement? Does self-consciousness keep you from 'fitting-in"? Do you love yourself? Is now a good time to begin the process of getting a handle on shyness?

Fake it until you make it!

Fake it until you make it is a slogan of 12-step study groups. For instance, if one is a substance abuser, they "fake" soberness until they kick their habit. They act as if they are responsible citizens.

Getting a handle on shyness can work the same way. Try not to put undue expectations on yourself. One can't change from an introvert to an extravert by simply adding water and stirring.

Make a List of Actions

Could you smile at a co-worker and inquire about their week-end? Be mindful you are no more or no less important than every other human on the planet. You may find that the interest you show in your co-worker will become genuine. You may even have a potential new friend.

How about not fitting-in? And why do you want to anyway? When we stop wasting energy on trying to fit our unique energy into society's mold, we start becoming a star in our own right. Shy people usually see things from a different perspective. Take a deep breath and share your ideas. Give yourself an opportunity to shine.

Can you stay in the present moment? Projecting into the future is outdated "worst case scenario" thinking. "What if I say something embarrassing?" "What if I look foolish in front of my boss?" Positive people focus on what is happening now. One can't focus on new ideas and insights if they dwell on past mistakes and future consequences.

How can you be prepared? When a big meeting is on the calendar, get your notes in order, have a pen and paper ready and walk into the room with confidence. (Fake it until you make it.)

Preparedness in social situations can be as simple as jotting your thoughts about a couple of hot news items, reading the latest best seller or knowing a little about the newest fad diet. When you're in the process of getting a handle on shyness, be mindful that you don't have to know everything about all things, just something about a few things.

Transmuting Fear into Love

Shy people fear that others don't like them. When they walk into a room and conversation halts, fear is made manifest. "Everybody stopped talking because they were gossiping about me."

The answer is so simple we stumble over it without stopping. If we want others to like us, we must learn to like ourselves.

Where intimate relationships are concerned, shyness takes one giant fearful leap into the false belief they are not worthy of being loved.

If you plan to start getting a handle on shyness, do yourself a favor. Every morning when you get up, look in the mirror and say, "I love myself. I am worthy of love, just as I am."

You can transmute fear into love with practice.

Worthy of Love

You are worthy of love – just as you are. The biggest mistake in beginning relationships is trying to change the other person. When real, mature connections are established the person likes and loves you as you are now; not some perfect person they wish you were.

The mirror exercise is not easy and it is not quick. But it will increase your self-confidence in leaps and bounds. It worked for me. It has worked for others. It is a huge part of transmuting fear into love.

Shyness is a Label

Shyness is a societal label we use to define ourselves. You are the only one who can change your label from "I am a shy person," to "I am." In other words, don't let society's perceptions influence your character.

Another mind trick you can play during the practice of transmuting fear into love is by writing three of your best attributes. Consider this sacred writing and do it every day. Even if it's a little thing like, "I bake awesome cakes!"

Final thought: some scientific experts propose shyness as a genetic pre-disposition. It is also a learned behavior. Learned behaviors are habits. Habits can be broken.

Give yourself the gift of practicing transmuting fear into love for 30-days. Praise yourself!

Isn't now a great time to start getting a handle on shyness?

Let us all say, "I love myself."

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Comments (3)

I can certainly relate to your well composed article filled with great guidelines. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

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